Graduation 2014
Friday, May 30, 2014, 11:47 AMFinally done with my poly life. I just wished I had graduated with better memories because if I want to recall, there is nothing much for me to feel happy about. Damn, I always regret things I haven't done. Hopefully this is the last time such feelings happen to me because I want my last stretch of academic life to be better.
I hope for our friendships to last, and.... Those who didn't last will start again.
E X H A U S T E D
Thursday, April 10, 2014, 12:57 AMTo be honest, I really wish that I can just leave everything behind and go abroad to live by myself. Call me selfish, call me foolish, but I am so so so mentally exhausted by all these shits going on in my life. It's like I don't have just my own future to worry about, I have to also worry for my godmother whose swollen feet never seem to get treated and yet still goes around 3 houses cleaning and clearing everything. I also have to worry for my godsister's children who seem to be getting more and more out of hand, and then there's another one who is constantly bullied in school either by classmates or now, teachers. I also have to worry for my tutees and their family and schoolwork problems. And then I have to worry about looking for money to fund myself to study, can't get a bank loan because none of my family members meet the criteria. And also my brother who is taking his Os this year and we cannot afford to send another person thru this stupid route of education. Too much to handle for a 20 year old.
Korea 2014
Tuesday, March 18, 2014, 2:07 PM
The end of a trip marks the start of another long period of earning and saving of money to fund a new trip.
The end of a trip also marks the period of reflection of yourself and the people you travelled with. Never have I thought each trip I went on would result in me not wanting to hold on to some people anymore. Always travel with the right people, because it's not a good feeling to have things turn out this ugly.
I also never thought that there are people in my life who are so selfish, lazy and irresponsible. I sincerely hope that one day, you will grow up and become a better person.
On a positive note, the best part of this trip is definitely making new friends from other countries. Next journey: Go solo for a longer period and make new friends.
Each trip allows me to grow (hopefully) into a better person and Korea 2014 has taught me that what is important in life is to always make yourself happy and not let yourself down.
New year, new resolutions.....?
Sunday, January 05, 2014, 1:00 AMNope, no ridiculous resolutions this year. (Read thru the one I set a year ago and I'm glad that I see myself doing what I wished to do in 2013 at the start of the year. 2014 will be the same right?)
Somehow, since a month ago, I started feeling better about myself and the number of times I complained about life has reduced. I guess this is the effect of being busy, preoccupied with things that matters instead of just cooping myself up at home.
It has been great since then and I felt better than I did. A month has passed and it's the new year, hopefully this new-found self-love will continue on within me...
In 2014, I just want to be more confident in myself and more content with whatever I have in life. And also for my loved ones to be happy and healthy.
If you are reading this, I just want you to know that I truly appreciate you being a part of my life, and I would never ever want to lose the bond that we share. You know that you are special to me if you are able to read this right now... ;) Have yourself a happy and fufilling 2014 ahead!
Saturday, November 16, 2013, 9:59 PMIF my new weighing scale is not broken (i.e. doesn't weigh things properly), I have technically lost 7kg since I last saw some friends.
By today, I've met almost all of those friends but none of them commented that I look like I lost weight.
I said I am tired of being fat and tired of complaining but not doing anything. Now I did do something about it. But..... But I don't get any acknowledgement on my "effort" (yep not really muccchhhh effort.........) and I need that to motivate and push myself further.
This saddens me sooo much I had to pen it down somewhere, and I guess there's nowhere else but here because, well, it somewhat makes me feel that it's more private here..... I know my friends are sick of hearing me complain about the same damn thing all the time on my (already private enough) twitter, but.. I really cannot help it.
I.... I wish I had more confidence in myself and am comfortable in my own skin. :/
Regardless, probably another 5 more kilos to go.
It's always the same issue in this household.
Sunday, October 20, 2013, 11:52 PMTwo life crisis (hence blogposts) in a span of 3 hours... I don't think I can take this. But I need a space to rant, so here it shall be.
I really don't understand how the fuck you think I get my money from. Because I think you really seem to think of me as this really rich teenager who has so much money to spare despite given only $30 a week as pocket money. (Not to mention extra scoldings and naggings for $10 more for transport.)
I really don't have as much money as you think I have because:
a) My intern only pays me $16 a day, $2 per hour.
b) You only know I teach tuition on Sundays for $17 an hour, which means $136 a month.
c) I've spent most of my money during the Korea trip.
d) I have to save more for the fucking school fees which neither of you are paying for.
Seriously.... Everytime we go through this I just feel like crying and showing you my bank account. I don't even legitly have enough to pay you back when school deducts money from your GIRO account. You have no idea how hard I am trying to save all those damn money I earn just for the stupid school fees which technically speaking should be paid by parents (I mean come on, even if not the full amount, at least a little? You're meant to raise me till I'm financially independent, no?)
It will be great if you could stop asking me to buy things for myself/see the doctors with my own money because the way you put it across really seems like a fucking asshole move. I would love to have great skin condition and hair and just looking pleasant in general, but I can't fucking do that if all I have in my bank account is nothing but just enough to pay for school fees and get by with life.
Also, stop trying to get me to sign on with the army after hearing how much benefits one can get from your friends. (Speaking of your friends, I really want to slap them all. Who the fuck is the one telling you all these weird ass shit and in turn giving me hell every single night you're home?!) You didn't want me to sign up because your friend told you her daughter did, but regretted and is pestering the family to pay a lump sum to pay the bond. But now the same friend is telling you that her daughter is getting alot of benefits and is no longer regretting, and life is very easy to get by? What the fuck you've got to be kidding me right what a twist of events in such a short period of time.
I still can't believe you want me to sign my life away for monetary benefits that you can enjoy.
URGH, I really, truly want to move away from this country to somewhere else easier to make it on my own. I truly believe as of now, I don't owe you anything. What you've done are what you should, except lesser.
, 8:43 PMI'm tired of being fat.
I'm tired of whining about being fat.
I'm tired of wanting to change but not trying hard enough.
Sunday, October 06, 2013, 2:02 AMAddiction is bad.
Fangirling is bad.
Kpop is bad.
Infinite is bad.
Myungsoo is bad.
Regrets are bad.
Overthinking is bad.
My brain is bad.
My thoughts are bad.
My current is bad.
My future is worse.